A Rant on Vaginal Suppositories

After my IUI, to pass the time during the two week wait, I acquainted myself with Progesterone suppositories. 

This was a switch. I had spent the first two weeks on Viagra suppositories that were supposed to improve my thin uterine lining. Maybe they improved my lining, maybe not. But I’m sure they didn't improve my mood.

A Viagra suppository is similar to white butter in the shape of a bullet, about 1.5 inches long. Also like butter, it melts at body temperature and must be kept refrigerated. Now, figure out a way to get a bullet of butter into your vagina without an applicator. Not easy.

For some reason, Viagra suppositories don’t slide in easily (as they warm up, they start to melt and stick to everything), but can slide out with almost no effort at all. Being unaccustomed to sticking my fingers up my twat (I’m part of the Tampax generation) - I found it difficult to shove a Viagra suppository far enough into my vagina so that it did not fly out – at high velocity, across the room - the moment I sneezed or sat down.

I even had to use those Viagra suppositories during my period. It created a revolting, creamy, nasty mess – like bloody cake frosting - on my maxi-pads. And when inserting them, I’d get the bloody mess on my fingers and under my fingernails. Can you say GROSS?

And to top it off, the Viagra irritated my nether regions to no end. The burning and itching was like the yeast infection from hell.  So, there was no desire for sex during the one and only portion of the cycle where such activity was officially allowed.  We did without for over 5 weeks.

So when ovulation time rolled around, I was relieved to be off the Viagra suppositories.  Surely, the Progesterone suppositories would be better, right?

Wrong. Turns out I hate them even more than the Viagra suppositories.  The progesterone suppositories were even more difficult to get “in there”.  They looked like capsule pills that you would take orally. (In fact, I once did take one orally by accident - too many damn pills to keep track of - and ended up calling the clinic's after-hours RE Fellow in a complete and utter panic, convinced I was going to die.  The Fellow laughed at me and assured me taking progesterone orally was harmless but completely ineffective.) But instead of swallowing the progesterone capsules with a glass of water, you’d put them where the sun don’t shine.  Their small size made them even harder to put in than Viagra.  They would rotate and turn around as I tried to insert them and sometimes get stuck in uncomfortable positions.  Like the Viagra, the progesterone also caused irritation.

But for me, the last straw was when the progesterone oil managed to escape my maxi-pad twice and permanently stain two of my favorite pairs of slacks. Imagine, if you will, my discomfort while pointing out the stains to the dry cleaner.  I mean, how do you explain an OIL stain in the crotch of your pants?  Someone ordered a Big Mac with fries and used my crotch as a napkin? I was douching with extra-virgin olive oil? How would you explain it?

Take my advice, don’t wear nice slacks if you are on progesterone suppositories.

On top of all the above mentioned trials and tribulations, I had to wear a maxi-pad for 5 weeks straight - no tampons allowed.  In comparison, the injections are a walk in the park - no muss, no fuss, and over in 3 seconds.

Comments

[deborah]

Bloody cake frosting? Hoo-boy, you're my kinda girl.

[sheilah]

hehe..."douching with extra-virgin olive oil"...you're funny...

(sorry you're in this crappy club)

[linda]

OMG - LMAO! How I can relate! I did a donor FET recently and had to use 4, yes 4 progesterone suppositories in the a.m. and again in the p.m. Put one in, two pop out. I related it to holding down a kickboard in the pool - let it go and look out! Thanks for the laugh.

[howtoinducelabor]

Great post. You had me smiling as I remember my experience with those progesterone suppositories. Yuck!!

[Anne]

I think you should write a book! Your descriptions got me in stitches, and I can relate to "The burning and itching was like the yeast infection from hell"

[Paula]

Great post, I can relate to your suffering after all types of similar problems.

[perona]

Did you put the suppositories in at night before bed? That would probably prevent leaking onto your clothes.

[Lisa]

Now it's my turn, I was trying to read up on these nasty little twat poppers.
The things we put ourselves through!!
I enjoyed your blog...very funny!!

[K Lyon]

OMG, I was LOL at this! I am supposed to start taking the progesterone suppositories this weekend - three times/day! Let me pass along the instructions that came with these refrigerated skinny bullet-like tubes:
How to use your Suppositories:
1) Wash your hands
2) Remove any foil or plastic wrapping from the suppository
3) Either squat or lie on your side with one leg bent and the other one straight.
4) Gently but firmly insert the suppository into the vagina, pointed end first. If necessary moisten the end of the suppository with some water. Push far enough so that it doesn't slip out.
5) Close your legs and sit or lie still for a few minutes
6) Wash your hands again.
Storage: Store in a cool, dry place. Place them in the refrigerator on warm days to prevent melting. If melting occurs place in refrigerator until firm.

Yikes! I am supposed to do this three times a day!?! I was LOLing reading these instructions! I guess it's not a laughing matter, though.

[CandidaCureDiet]

Lol..Nice blog post..I'm gonna share this to my friends who are using suppositories..This gonna be a good info for them..

[infection prevention]

OMG, I hope you'll be okay soon!

James

[Kim]

I just found this post. I'm cracking up. I'm supposed to start today. This is what I have to look forward to.

[vagina]

Interesting, but I think your are not right here

[VT mama]

OMG, this the best. I'm w days post IVF egg(s) transfer on this chalky nasty projesterone suppository as well as w tiny estrogen ones that are so hard to get up there. this made me LOL... anyways they are making me feel so itchy and sore like I'd had sex for hours (as if)... I can relate to the part about the oily ones too, I had to buy all these awful, huge old lady underpants b/c my thongs with pantyliners didn't even come CLOSE to stemming the oil leak. i too wrecked a nice pair of linen pants... arggg...

[Llady24]

HA HA HA HA HA.. THIS IS THE TRUTH!! The progesterone is a vaginal nightmare. I just found out they gave me a yeast infection. Soooooo I am thinking of filling up my monistat applicator w/the cream and putting a progesterone bullet on top and firing it up there! Its going to be a mess. I am considering wearing a diaper to bed.

[Amy]

No. I mean, NO. This is NOT good news. I have a pristine bottle of progesterone vaginal suppositories sitting in my bathroom cabinet just waiting for me...the RE is supposed to let me know when to start them. I'm considering telling her to stick them where HER sun don't shine after reading this...who would have thought having a kid would be this complicated???

[Candida Treatment]

This is very interesting blog, lots of amazing stuff! I was looking exactly for this piece of information. I will definitely bookmark this page!

candida treatment

[Chelle]

Good thing those type of suppositories are a thing of the past. They will melt with body temp but just keep them in the fridge til time to use. They come with a applicator and are shape like a bullet. Only use at bedtime unless otherwise instructed. And if not a light pantylinner will hlp with the oily leakage . This was just too funny glad I found it. T

[Stepien]

Wow.just when I thought life couldn't get worse it does and found someone to say it they way we all think it. Couldn't stop laughing. However I tried using a canes ten comfortab to stick them up there but not to sure if that's any better. After thinking it was great I pulled the stick out and had blood on it. Not sure if it was implantation or just a stupid move on my part. None the less I had horrible cramping the next day. Word to the wise use the finger.

[Christine]

I just started the progesterone suppositories and they are making me want to not get up out of bed and to put an ice pack down there! This damn yeast infection is killing me too... i just hope the end result is worth it! Good luck to anyone else who has to deal with this!

[Laura]

You are somme terrific writer! I was laughing out loud a lot! Was actually surprised that this information was even out there, so thanks for it, and thank you to others who gave more info in their comments.

[Jackie]

This is the most I've laughed during the last 4 weeks (aka - my IVF cycle.) I don't know if you meant it that way, but what a blessed break from the worry and stress of waiting and wondering if this is finally the cycle I got pregnant. Thank you - there needs to be more of these kinds of stories shared to get us all through the dark days. Still giggling!

[lactobacillus acidophilus]

These kind of post are always inspiring and I prefer to read quality content so I happy to find many good point here in the post, thank you for the post.

[Dianne]

Does any one use these suppositories for post menopausal progesterone deficiency due to tubal ligation syndrome symptoms? I'm looking for help, I have chronic insomnia that is ruining mu life, my hair is falling out on one side only. This tubal ligation I had 35 years ago is the curse of my life, I regret ever being tricked into getting it by my doctor who thought 3 kids were enough for me I guess. I have had horrific symptoms, hot flashes directly after the surgery, immediate and chronic insomnia for 35 years with no help, body aches,flooding,painful periods with much clotting, extreme fatigue, and PMS. I am 63 now and still suffering and not finding the correct thing to take, I'm thinking suppositoris would be best so I could sleep