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Jun 01, 2005

Comments

Kristie

Oh my God, this is hysterical. You have a bit of a strange sense of humor but I htink it's funny. Hope you didn't offend anyone out there...

I am a former sorority gal as well and totally know what you are talking about! I sense somehow that you were not thatinto the sorority stuff, though? (neither was i) :-)

Put me down for the the Little Sisters list. Love the T-shirts, but especially the panties.

Susan / holdingpattern

Yikes! If I've offended anyone (thanks for the heads up Kristie), please forgive me. It was unintentional. Just want to be clear - I'm spoofing _my_ experience with _my_ sorority at _my_ school, which had a somewhat dysfunctional Greek system. I didn't fit into my sorority - I was too much of a tomboy, I think. I quit after a year and a half.

Again, sorry if this post is not funny. I amused myself while writing it, but looking back on it I can see that it might be construed as offensive and has too many in-jokes. My apologies.

Danielle

Hilarious! I never did the whole sorority think in college but sure did my fair share of poking fun at it.

I think it's great and I'd love to pledge, but I'm only a little sister.

Penny

oh... you didn't offend me in the least bit, it was hilarious ,, i never was in a sorority... i was asked to pledge but didn't want to. where i'm from, it's all about how much $$$ your daddy had, what kind of car you drove, etc... and plus there were a lot that didn't like me b/c,,, well, i guess they were jealous that i was/am a SHB and G&D... hahaha...and well i already knew and didn't like a lot of them (small town w/ 2 rival high schools & 1 college) but i'd love to pledge the Tau Phi Beta Sorority. Let's see... i just went thru my first LAP in march... found out both tubes were blocked/hydro'd... managed to get one open, but no BFP yet... so, do i have the right credentials?

Suz

My college didn't have sororities, but even I can get some of these jokes. And oh, I hope I can finally live the dream and become a little sister!!

wessel

Love sorority jokes! I was all set to rush--had my glam photos and resume and references all ready--and then some "friends" informed me that no house would pick me because I was on work-study. WAAAAAH! I was so crushed. I had no choice after that but to fall in with an alternative crowd, which led to bad things all around.

But, hey, I love second chances! However, I do not think I can pledge your house, because I have one tube, and not just one tube, but one BITCHIN' MAD SWINGIN' DOES THE WORK OF TWO tube.

I propose starting another house, KOE, (krappy old eggs) for all those poor egg quality girls.

We may be sexy
We may be pretty
But truth be told
Our eggs are shitty!

Susan / holdingpattern

Penny, you most certainly do have The Right Stuff. I hereby deem you a Sister of Tau Phi Beta, entitled to all the benefits of membership (but sadly, there are none). Welcome!

We will have to come up with some new T-shirts slogans to cover blocked tubes. How about "Blocked Up, But Not Stuck Up," "My Socks are Blocked," or... hmm.... I seem to be out of slogans...

And also, a hearty welcome to our new Little Sisters: Suz, Danielle, and Kristie!

Katie

Oh, I daydreamed about joining a sorority, but never had the courage. Do you have room for someone with tubes and eggs, but an incompetent uterus?

ovagirl

Another one tube wonder here! We don't have sororities in Australia - yikes, they sound terrifying. But then again I hung out with university revue crew and dirty theatre student types and I guess they had their own set of rules and rituals.

Julianna

Damn, y'all are making me want to miss a tube!

Too funny!

I LOVE the panties!

millie

Too damn funny! I'm in, if you'll have me. Does it matte which tube I have left? It's the left one so I'd like some kind of liberal sorority if possible.

I wasn't in a sorority in college but I was a little sister. More beer, way more guys and cheap dues.

Love wessel's cheer as well.

penelope

Well I must confess I was never in a sorority but I was an undergrad at a place that had a lot of them. The thing that sticks in my mind about sororities is a ritual one of their members told me about, maybe a hazing.

The victim would stand nude in front of a mirror and all the parts of her body that were too fat would be circled with a big marker. (so creepy and this was in So Cal so you can guess the eating disorder problem on campus).

In YOUR sorority we can circle the PIO spots on or fat asses! The nurse actually did that for me and now I see that if I had been in a sorority I would have already known where the finest flab to inject was!

Anna  H.

TFB: Tubes: The New Appendix... love it!

Thank you for doing all the leg-work on this, sister. I still need to learn more about this business, since I went to college in the redwoods and we didn't have fratertinities and sororities -- just deer, ultimate frisbee and banana slugs. Will I still be member if I wear my gorgeous t-shirts and panties while lying in a depressed stupor on the couch? Or will I get the paddle?

I have a sneaking suspicion though, that an all-encompassing sisterhood like this -- complete with chants for each group, like Wessel's "our eggs are shitty" -- will help with some of that couch-sadness. In fact, I think it's already working... thank you for making me laugh, dear friend.

Tau Phi Beta!

xxoo

wessel

Millie, my G-d, but you're brilliant! I wondered why I never felt like I fit in with the leftist crowd, even though I was and still am a Democrat, and now I know why--my tube is on the right side!

I'M A RIGHT-TUBER! I mean, RIGHT-WINGER. I can't help what I am, so you can all stop hating me now.

Simone

Yipee!
My own gang!
I've got 2 blocked tubes...due for surgical removal next month!
And a didelphys uterus! Does that get the on the board of directors?
Fallopian tubes are sooo last season.

Lumi

Is it a bad thing that I urinated (just a little bit!!) on my office chair when I read this just now?

You are BRILLIANT! This post is hysterical!! You, like, totally ROCK man!

And Oh Mah Gahd I so want the pretty panties. Can I be a Little Sister pretty please?? I promise to bang only the more ugly frat boys and clean up everyone's puke after too many Harry Buffalos.

kisses,
Lumi

sue

I so needed to laugh today. I have tubes but shitty, shitty, eggs and bad square sperm with a poor sense of direction. Can I join?

Cara Fletcher

Really interesting idea.My friend who had a complete hysterectomy a year ago would fall in love with those things.

elliot

Wow i did not realize my fraternity from college had changed so much. It is now a sorority of middle aged women without falopian tubes. Someone help.

Susan

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

Susan

http://mariahcareylyrics.net

Derri

I want in! I was told at 19 that I would never have children... no specifics mind you :) Can I be a full member? or should I go for the upgrade later? This makes me feel better!!! yay!

coach suitcase

The new needs friends. Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere. Do you think so?

Sadie

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Sadie

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Sadie

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The comments to this entry are closed.

Adoption To-Do's

  • 

    Total Expenses So Far: $21,531

    Select country (Korea) (11/14/05)

    Select agency (11/17/05)

    Tell our families

    Receive preliminary application

    Preliminary App filed (12/5/05):

    • Fill in application
    • Photo of us, photo of house
    • Write medical statement, elaborating on treatment for depression
    • Line up four non-relative references
    • One copy of tax returns from past three years
    • Pay $200 fee
    • Notarized adoption services agreement $10
    • Fedex to Agency $15

    Receive Big App (12/15/05)

    Receive Korea Adoption Guidebook

    Home Study Paperwork: (1/19/06)

    • S: Complete "Personal Data" form with 67 essay questions
    • S: 1 photocopy birth certificate
    • S: Complete Authorization of Release of Information - Employer Verification
    • S: Criminal Record Statement
    • S: LiveScan fingerprint form (for State of California: criminal and child abuse index)
    • S: Schedule LiveScan fingerprinting appointments
    • S: LiveScan fingerprints done, pay $65
    • S: Medical Exam, including HIV and TB tests
    • S: Medical Report filled out by doctor
    • T: Complete 51 essay question "Personal Data" form
    • T: 1 photocopy birth certificate
    • T: Complete Authorization of Release of Information - Employer Verification
    • T: Criminal Record Statement
    • T: LiveScan fingerprint form (for State of California: criminal and child abuse index)
    • T: Schedule LiveScan fingerprinting appointments
    • T: LiveScan fingerprints done, pay $65
    • T: Medical Exam, including HIV and TB tests
    • T: Medical Report filled out by doctor
    • Complete detailed Financial Statement
    • 1 photocopy marriage license
    • Photo of baby's room
    • Map & directions to home
    • Copy all, keep for records
    • FedEx packet to agency, $15 (1/12/06)
    All 4 non-relative references return 3-page, 10-essay questionnaires directly to agency (1/28/06)

    Home Study Part 2: (4/3/2006)

    • Receive & pay invoice for home study $3066 (2/1/06)
    • Schedule social worker visits (2/10/06)
    • Childproof house (smoke detectors, fire extinguishers, outlet covers) $40
    • Social worker visit #1 (joint) (2/21/06)
    • Acceptable Medical Conditions Form (2/27/06)
    • From that details how "open" an adoption we are willing to consider  (2/27/06)
    • Social worker visit #2 (S only) (2/28/06)
    • Social worker visit #3 (T only) (2/28/06)
    • Sign up for module 1 & 2 of parenting class
    • Book travel for parenting class in Southern California
    • Modules 1 & 2 of agency parenting class (in SoCal) $500 (1/21/06)
    • Receive 2 completed, certified, notarized copies of Home Study (4/3/2006)

    Agency sends Home Study to Korea (HSTK) (4/7/2006)

    Sign up for modules 3 & 4 of agency parenting class

    Take modules 3 & 4 of agency parenting class (4/9/06)

    I-600A filed with US-CIS (Advanced Processing of Orphan Petition for Visa) (4/6/2006):

    • I-600A form
    • Copy certified Home Study
    • S: Photocopy of birth certificate
    • T: Photocopy of birth certificate
    • Photocopy of marriage license
    • Copy of most recent federal tax return
    • Proof of medical insurance
    • $545 fee + $140 for FBI fingerprints = $685
    • Cover letter
    • Copy all for records
    • Mail to US-CIS San Francisco

    FBI Fingerprinting:

    • US-CIS acknowledges receipt of I-600A (4/12/06)
    • FBI Fingerprinting appt. scheduled (different than LiveScan fingerprints)
    • FBI Fingerprinting completed, for each (4/28/06)

    Receive I-171H (Approval of I-600A) (5/11/06)

    Pick baby name

    Arrange for medical evaluation of referral

    Receive Referral (12/29/06)

    • Child's presentation letter
    • Child's information
    • Photographs
    • Medical records
    • Confidential background information

    Medical evaluation of Referral by Oakland Children's Hospital (1/10/2007)

    File Referral Acceptance Paperwork: ($140 + $12) (1/6/2007)

    • Child Information Transmittal
    • Pay invoice for $17,500
    • 3 Placement Agreements - all notarized
    • T: 4 Statements of Adoption (for child's Korean passport) - all notarized
    • 3 Travel Option forms
    • 1 Foreign Travel Release - notarized
    • T: 2 Affidavit re INS Vaccination Requirements
    • T: 2 I-864 Affidavit of Support for Immigration
    • S: 2 I-864A Contract between Sponsor and Household Member
    • Copy of entire last year tax return, with ALL attachments
    • Copy of all last year W-2 and 1099 forms
    • T: Photocopy of birth certificate (again)
    • S: Photocopy of birth certificate (again)
    • T: Copy of 2006 paystubs
    • S: Copy of 2006 paystubs
    • Photocopy of marriage license (again)
    • Photocopy everything for records
    • FedEx to agency (1/6/2007)

    Receive child's "legals" from Korea (in English & Korean): (1/22/2007)

    • Affirmation and Oath Certificate (attests these documents are true and correct)
    • Certificate of the Guardian (certifies Korean agency was guardian)
    • Statement of Guardianship (transfers guardianship from Korean agency to American agency)
    • Extract of Family Register (birth certificate equivalent)

    I-600 visa petition form filed w/ US-CIS: (1/25/2007)

    • I-600 form
    • Copy of I-171H
    • Copies of child's legals
    • Originals of child's legals, with note and SASE envelope requesting they be returned
    • Copy of child report
    • Copy of child photos
    • Copy of most recent 1040 tax form
    • Copy of I-864
    • Copy of I-864A
    • Letter with visa cable instructions
    • Fedex to US-CIS San Francisco $25

    Meanwhile, the Korean agency works away:

    • Our application is translated
    • Korean agency applies for Emigration Permit with Korean Ministry of Health and Welfare
    • Ministry approves Emigration Permit (aka "EP")
    • Agency gets I-171 (I-600 approval) cable from US Embassy in Seoul
    • Baby tested for Hepatitis B & HIV
    • Visa physical for baby
    • Submit application for baby's IR-4 Visa

    Resubmit our I-600 visa petition after US-CIS screws up (2/9/2007)

    Buy baby gear (3/17/07)

    Baby CPR & safety class (2/17/07)

    Line up a regular pediatrician (3/5/07)

    Line up a pediatric cardiologist (3/14/07)

    Investigate childcare options (3/17/07)

    Line up Daycare (5/25/07)

    Get on preschool waiting list (1/5/07)

    Setup nursery(3/19/07)

    Get life insurance for both

    Write wills with statements of guardianship wishes (both)

    Set up trust

    S: Get pre-approval family leave with HR (1/24/2007)

    Buy gifts for foster family, Korean agency staff (3/16/07)

    Make travel arrangements to Korea ($185 plus 240,000 frequent flyer miles) (3/13/07)

    Wrap-up job for a 15-week leave (3/12/07-3/16/07)

    Finalize leave plans with HR (3/15/07)

    Travel to Korea (3/19/07 - 3/25/07)

    • Meet both foster mothers (3/21/07, 3/22/07, 3/23/07)
    • In-Korea pre-flight medical exam (3/22/07)
    • Go to US Embassy in Seoul to process Class-B Waiver (acceptance of medical condition) 3/22/07
    • Get the final Visa paperwork (3/22/07)
    • Take custody of child! (3/23/07)
    • Long plane ride back to USA (3/25/07)

    USA Medical Evaluations

    • Add baby to my health insurance (3/28/07)
    • Evaluation by regular pediatrician (3/30/07)
    • US immunizations (3/30/07)
    • Evaluation by pediatric cardiologist (4/18/07)
    Receive Placement Confirmation Notice from Agency (3/28/06)

    Receive baby's Green Card in mail (4/16/07)

    Get social security number under baby's Korean Name as permanent resident (4/27/07)

    Receive post-placement packet in mail from Agency(4/15/07)

    Post-placement visits from social worker: (9/12/07)

    • Visit #1 (4/28/07)
    • Visit #2 (6/30/07)
    • Visit #3 (7/26/07)
    • Visit #4 (9/12/07)

    Create and file child "progress reports" with 8-18 photos each, for Korean agency and government, and a letter with photos for foster family (9/12/07)

    • 1-month progress report (4/28/07)
    • 3-month progress report (6/30/07)
    • 4-month progress report (7/26/07)
    • 6-month progress report (9/12/07)

    File US Physician's Examination Report with Agency (4/17/07)

    File Adoption Finalization Paperwork in our county in California (5/1/07) ($20)

    • Form ADOPT-200 (Adoption Request) (5/1/07)
    • Form ADOPT-210 (Adoption Agreement) (5/1/07)
    • Form ADOPT-215 (Adoption Order) (5/1/07)
    • Form ADOPT-230 (Adoption Expenses) (5/1/07)

    RE-File Finalization Paperwork the State changed in July '07 (ARGH!) (11/13/07)

    • Form ADOPT-210 (Adoption Agreement) (11/13/07)
    • Form ADOPT-215 (Adoption Order) (11/3/07)

    Finalize Adoption in County Court

    • Receive "Consent to Adoption" from agency (11/2/07)
    • Schedule court hearing (coming in December '07!)
    • Adoption finalization court hearing (Munchkin is now a US citizen, and his American name is now his legal name!)
    • Have a HUGE Party to celebrate!
    • Send agency/Korea copy of child's adoption decree (child is no longer considered a Korean citizen)
    • Send adoption announcements

    Secure proof of US citizenship for child:

    • Complete & file N-600 with US-CIS, pay fee
    • Receive Certificate of Citizenship
    • File passport application
    • Receive passport
    • Apply to SSA to get status changed from resident alien to citizen, SS# name changed (passport is proof)

    Start the process all over again for kid #2!