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Oct 19, 2005

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Comments

Emily

Amen!

I don't have the energy to do treatment and ward off these imbeciles. I loathe, "I don't care about you because I got mine" attitude. Her arguments, if you can call them that, are just full of shit and completely unlogical -- to even the most pedestrian (that would be me).

I always have to laugh when people tell me I brought my infertility on myself because of my career. That's such a joke since I've never had a career, just a job. Nothing more than a job, my whole life. We don't have to talk about the real cause why a 36 year old woman (at the time) who was healthy suddenly lost the ability to reproduce -- like, all the toxic assholes in the world like her that unfortunately crossed my path and made my life miserable. I escaped, just unfortantely, not in enough time because I didn't get married until I was 37.

DD

Here's something I found from her "bio", which she herself wrote as Tricia Shore: "Bitter? Would you be bitter for being separated from your family for over 34 years? ...Oh, and Tricia has almost forgotten—she is supposed to be extremely grateful, as all adoptees should be, for having been separated from her family for all those years. Gee, thanks!"

Bitter...Bitter, table for one.

I'd say she has definitely got issues. She unfairly and incorrectly relates her pathetic existance to what all adoptees should feel. Don't let her take up any more of your precious time and energy than she already has, you've got way more deserving issues to attend to.

swannie

Ah yes, what would this woman make of cases like this one that's being reported today?

http://www.wkyc.com/news/news_article.aspx?storyid=42212

Sigh.

Jenn

I was going to write her a little love note, but I thought, you know, what's the point? She OBVIOUSLY has some issues regarding her own adoption. And the world must always be as she has experienced it. I just don't think it's worth my energy to try to educate her.

zarqa

It pisses me off but only fleetingly as it is clear that she is channelling unresolved issues around her own adoption into a diatribe pitted against people whose desires and goals she can't possibly have the slightest clue about. Plus her writing is so clunky that her point, if she has one, gets lost in the clunkiness. I wouldn't worry about her.

patricia

She is a sad, pathetic woman. PATHETIC. Sounds like she had crappy parents to me, and is taking out a crappy childhood on anyone who has had a positive adoption experience.

Is she trying to say that my dad (adoptive) is not really my dad? That some guy who was ashamed to tell anyone that I existed, even after I met him at the age of 29, is my family? Well, she can just fuck right off...

heleen

I hope her children will be gay, and infertile. (They probably won't have the courage to tell her though) Not to punish her for having such pathetic opinons, but to give her a chance to become more compassionate. Like a real christian.

Karen

God, you rock so hard it hurts. LOVE this rant.

akeeyu

Yeah, that woman has problems with a capital C-R-A-Z-Y.

She thinks women are "too busy to have sex" and do IVF instead? Because IVF takes like, what, five, ten minutes, tops?

mm

Now that is one psychotic BITCH if I've ever seen one.

Nico

I love how not only are we choosing to use ART because we're too busy to have sex, we're also going to have live-in nannys so that we don't have to look after the result of ART. Because we're all so busy.

And how IVF equates to instant children.

I think it's horrible that people can spew such hate and poison. It makes me really sad.

Tania

She sounds like a certifiable nut case not worthy of your time.

So I suppose when one of the children she conceived comes down with a fatal illness, she will refuse all treatment for them because obviously God wants them to die.

Dumbass.

Lynnette

Yeah, that bitch made my day today, too. UGH!

Karinsamira

Hi Susan!

While I agree that this woman says a lot of hurtful and wrong things in her article, I kind of get her point re some of the adoption stuff. She seems to have had a hard time with her own ado, and she is as entitled to feel pissed and hurt and cheated by this as we infertiles are about our IF.Adoption CAN be a great experience, no doubt about this, but like everything else, it can go south seriously.I have lived through a failed one, which has caused some permanent health damage, so I feel that I know where this aouthor comes from. Plus, I do agree with her that at least with an ado from a third world country, there are ethical issues such as you never know if the birthmom was not really forced to give up that child.

akeeyu

You know, I had a failed marriage, which was pretty unpleasant and really messed with my head, but it doesn't mean I go around crusading against marriage as an institution. Nor does it entitle me to spout off to newlyweds about how they're making the biggest mistake of their lives and declare that all marriage should be outlawed.

Certainly, everybody is entitled to their feelings, but the fact that this woman thinks that her experience alone is the universal truth and should be used as the last word on adoption? It's, um, egotistical on a really mindboggling scale, and more than just a wee bit nuts.

The comments to this entry are closed.

Adoption To-Do's

  • 

    Total Expenses So Far: $21,531

    Select country (Korea) (11/14/05)

    Select agency (11/17/05)

    Tell our families

    Receive preliminary application

    Preliminary App filed (12/5/05):

    • Fill in application
    • Photo of us, photo of house
    • Write medical statement, elaborating on treatment for depression
    • Line up four non-relative references
    • One copy of tax returns from past three years
    • Pay $200 fee
    • Notarized adoption services agreement $10
    • Fedex to Agency $15

    Receive Big App (12/15/05)

    Receive Korea Adoption Guidebook

    Home Study Paperwork: (1/19/06)

    • S: Complete "Personal Data" form with 67 essay questions
    • S: 1 photocopy birth certificate
    • S: Complete Authorization of Release of Information - Employer Verification
    • S: Criminal Record Statement
    • S: LiveScan fingerprint form (for State of California: criminal and child abuse index)
    • S: Schedule LiveScan fingerprinting appointments
    • S: LiveScan fingerprints done, pay $65
    • S: Medical Exam, including HIV and TB tests
    • S: Medical Report filled out by doctor
    • T: Complete 51 essay question "Personal Data" form
    • T: 1 photocopy birth certificate
    • T: Complete Authorization of Release of Information - Employer Verification
    • T: Criminal Record Statement
    • T: LiveScan fingerprint form (for State of California: criminal and child abuse index)
    • T: Schedule LiveScan fingerprinting appointments
    • T: LiveScan fingerprints done, pay $65
    • T: Medical Exam, including HIV and TB tests
    • T: Medical Report filled out by doctor
    • Complete detailed Financial Statement
    • 1 photocopy marriage license
    • Photo of baby's room
    • Map & directions to home
    • Copy all, keep for records
    • FedEx packet to agency, $15 (1/12/06)
    All 4 non-relative references return 3-page, 10-essay questionnaires directly to agency (1/28/06)

    Home Study Part 2: (4/3/2006)

    • Receive & pay invoice for home study $3066 (2/1/06)
    • Schedule social worker visits (2/10/06)
    • Childproof house (smoke detectors, fire extinguishers, outlet covers) $40
    • Social worker visit #1 (joint) (2/21/06)
    • Acceptable Medical Conditions Form (2/27/06)
    • From that details how "open" an adoption we are willing to consider  (2/27/06)
    • Social worker visit #2 (S only) (2/28/06)
    • Social worker visit #3 (T only) (2/28/06)
    • Sign up for module 1 & 2 of parenting class
    • Book travel for parenting class in Southern California
    • Modules 1 & 2 of agency parenting class (in SoCal) $500 (1/21/06)
    • Receive 2 completed, certified, notarized copies of Home Study (4/3/2006)

    Agency sends Home Study to Korea (HSTK) (4/7/2006)

    Sign up for modules 3 & 4 of agency parenting class

    Take modules 3 & 4 of agency parenting class (4/9/06)

    I-600A filed with US-CIS (Advanced Processing of Orphan Petition for Visa) (4/6/2006):

    • I-600A form
    • Copy certified Home Study
    • S: Photocopy of birth certificate
    • T: Photocopy of birth certificate
    • Photocopy of marriage license
    • Copy of most recent federal tax return
    • Proof of medical insurance
    • $545 fee + $140 for FBI fingerprints = $685
    • Cover letter
    • Copy all for records
    • Mail to US-CIS San Francisco

    FBI Fingerprinting:

    • US-CIS acknowledges receipt of I-600A (4/12/06)
    • FBI Fingerprinting appt. scheduled (different than LiveScan fingerprints)
    • FBI Fingerprinting completed, for each (4/28/06)

    Receive I-171H (Approval of I-600A) (5/11/06)

    Pick baby name

    Arrange for medical evaluation of referral

    Receive Referral (12/29/06)

    • Child's presentation letter
    • Child's information
    • Photographs
    • Medical records
    • Confidential background information

    Medical evaluation of Referral by Oakland Children's Hospital (1/10/2007)

    File Referral Acceptance Paperwork: ($140 + $12) (1/6/2007)

    • Child Information Transmittal
    • Pay invoice for $17,500
    • 3 Placement Agreements - all notarized
    • T: 4 Statements of Adoption (for child's Korean passport) - all notarized
    • 3 Travel Option forms
    • 1 Foreign Travel Release - notarized
    • T: 2 Affidavit re INS Vaccination Requirements
    • T: 2 I-864 Affidavit of Support for Immigration
    • S: 2 I-864A Contract between Sponsor and Household Member
    • Copy of entire last year tax return, with ALL attachments
    • Copy of all last year W-2 and 1099 forms
    • T: Photocopy of birth certificate (again)
    • S: Photocopy of birth certificate (again)
    • T: Copy of 2006 paystubs
    • S: Copy of 2006 paystubs
    • Photocopy of marriage license (again)
    • Photocopy everything for records
    • FedEx to agency (1/6/2007)

    Receive child's "legals" from Korea (in English & Korean): (1/22/2007)

    • Affirmation and Oath Certificate (attests these documents are true and correct)
    • Certificate of the Guardian (certifies Korean agency was guardian)
    • Statement of Guardianship (transfers guardianship from Korean agency to American agency)
    • Extract of Family Register (birth certificate equivalent)

    I-600 visa petition form filed w/ US-CIS: (1/25/2007)

    • I-600 form
    • Copy of I-171H
    • Copies of child's legals
    • Originals of child's legals, with note and SASE envelope requesting they be returned
    • Copy of child report
    • Copy of child photos
    • Copy of most recent 1040 tax form
    • Copy of I-864
    • Copy of I-864A
    • Letter with visa cable instructions
    • Fedex to US-CIS San Francisco $25

    Meanwhile, the Korean agency works away:

    • Our application is translated
    • Korean agency applies for Emigration Permit with Korean Ministry of Health and Welfare
    • Ministry approves Emigration Permit (aka "EP")
    • Agency gets I-171 (I-600 approval) cable from US Embassy in Seoul
    • Baby tested for Hepatitis B & HIV
    • Visa physical for baby
    • Submit application for baby's IR-4 Visa

    Resubmit our I-600 visa petition after US-CIS screws up (2/9/2007)

    Buy baby gear (3/17/07)

    Baby CPR & safety class (2/17/07)

    Line up a regular pediatrician (3/5/07)

    Line up a pediatric cardiologist (3/14/07)

    Investigate childcare options (3/17/07)

    Line up Daycare (5/25/07)

    Get on preschool waiting list (1/5/07)

    Setup nursery(3/19/07)

    Get life insurance for both

    Write wills with statements of guardianship wishes (both)

    Set up trust

    S: Get pre-approval family leave with HR (1/24/2007)

    Buy gifts for foster family, Korean agency staff (3/16/07)

    Make travel arrangements to Korea ($185 plus 240,000 frequent flyer miles) (3/13/07)

    Wrap-up job for a 15-week leave (3/12/07-3/16/07)

    Finalize leave plans with HR (3/15/07)

    Travel to Korea (3/19/07 - 3/25/07)

    • Meet both foster mothers (3/21/07, 3/22/07, 3/23/07)
    • In-Korea pre-flight medical exam (3/22/07)
    • Go to US Embassy in Seoul to process Class-B Waiver (acceptance of medical condition) 3/22/07
    • Get the final Visa paperwork (3/22/07)
    • Take custody of child! (3/23/07)
    • Long plane ride back to USA (3/25/07)

    USA Medical Evaluations

    • Add baby to my health insurance (3/28/07)
    • Evaluation by regular pediatrician (3/30/07)
    • US immunizations (3/30/07)
    • Evaluation by pediatric cardiologist (4/18/07)
    Receive Placement Confirmation Notice from Agency (3/28/06)

    Receive baby's Green Card in mail (4/16/07)

    Get social security number under baby's Korean Name as permanent resident (4/27/07)

    Receive post-placement packet in mail from Agency(4/15/07)

    Post-placement visits from social worker: (9/12/07)

    • Visit #1 (4/28/07)
    • Visit #2 (6/30/07)
    • Visit #3 (7/26/07)
    • Visit #4 (9/12/07)

    Create and file child "progress reports" with 8-18 photos each, for Korean agency and government, and a letter with photos for foster family (9/12/07)

    • 1-month progress report (4/28/07)
    • 3-month progress report (6/30/07)
    • 4-month progress report (7/26/07)
    • 6-month progress report (9/12/07)

    File US Physician's Examination Report with Agency (4/17/07)

    File Adoption Finalization Paperwork in our county in California (5/1/07) ($20)

    • Form ADOPT-200 (Adoption Request) (5/1/07)
    • Form ADOPT-210 (Adoption Agreement) (5/1/07)
    • Form ADOPT-215 (Adoption Order) (5/1/07)
    • Form ADOPT-230 (Adoption Expenses) (5/1/07)

    RE-File Finalization Paperwork the State changed in July '07 (ARGH!) (11/13/07)

    • Form ADOPT-210 (Adoption Agreement) (11/13/07)
    • Form ADOPT-215 (Adoption Order) (11/3/07)

    Finalize Adoption in County Court

    • Receive "Consent to Adoption" from agency (11/2/07)
    • Schedule court hearing (coming in December '07!)
    • Adoption finalization court hearing (Munchkin is now a US citizen, and his American name is now his legal name!)
    • Have a HUGE Party to celebrate!
    • Send agency/Korea copy of child's adoption decree (child is no longer considered a Korean citizen)
    • Send adoption announcements

    Secure proof of US citizenship for child:

    • Complete & file N-600 with US-CIS, pay fee
    • Receive Certificate of Citizenship
    • File passport application
    • Receive passport
    • Apply to SSA to get status changed from resident alien to citizen, SS# name changed (passport is proof)

    Start the process all over again for kid #2!