No, I'm Not Dead

From this blog's dearth of new postings, you'd probably think I was dead. Or at least trapped in a small room with no Internet access.

Rest assured, I am still here, unhurt and still physically capable of using my computer.  It's  just that I have very little to report with regard to the adoption.  Things are moving very slowly.  I guess that's typical.

So where are we in the process?

Well, we're waiting for our agency to send a copy of our Home Study to Korea. We thought they had done that 2 weeks ago, but apparently not.  At this point, we have only been "approved" by our agency's branch office in California.  Our Home Study is now sitting in a queue in our agency's national headquarters, waiting for their approval and for them to do some additional paperwork.  And then, when they are good and ready, they will send the Home Study to Korea.  "HSTK," is the abbreviation for this milestone, and apparently is when the clock really starts ticking.

I can't believe it's April and we're still not HSTK yet. I thought we'd be done by the end of January. 

This week, we'll be applying for our I-600A form (pre-approval of a visa for an as-yet unspecified orphan child) with US-CIS.  And then next weekend, we'll be taking Part 2 of our agency's required adoptive parenting classes.

And that's it. That's the news from the land of adoption.

I've always tried to keep this blog focused on the main topics: infertility and now adoption.  Infertility was more exciting to write about; the cycles of hope and despair were 28 days at a time. Adoption is, like, a million times longer.   There's less to write about.  I need to cull material from elsewhere.  But I am so not used to writing about the rest of my life. I don't know where to start.

So, I'm doing something I swore I would never do: asking you, the readers, to tell me what to write. 

1. What do you want to know about me and my life?
2. Which of the following potential topics are the most interesting to you:
   • Why I can no longer read Manuela's blog, much as I love her.
   • "Open" international adoption.  Yes, that's right. We've opted (if possible) to pursue a relationship with our future child's Korean birth family.
   • My constant struggle with the ethics of adoption.
   • Why 8 out of 10 babies adopted from Korea are boys, and why Americans overwhelmingly prefer girls for internationally adopted children.
   • My fears that our child will always acutely feel the loss of his biological parents, and that I will never be enough for him.
   • Why I will never, ever, go through infertility treatment again. 
   • Why I think most books on Open Adoption paint too rosy a picture.
   • My perhaps foolhearty plans to keep my career on track while becoming a parent.

Comments

[Shelley]

Yes, and yes. That is, yes, we are interested in your life, and yes, *all* of the topics you list sound interesting and enlightening -- I don't know that I could pick just one.

[Lut C.]

I want to hear about all those topics!

This one piques my interest particularly: "Why 8 out of 10 babies adopted from Korea are boys, and why Americans overwhelmingly prefer girls for internationally adopted children."

In a number of the surrounding countries, mostly girls are given up for adoption. How come this is different for Korea?

Does the preference for girls have anything to do with not passing on the family name through an adopted child? That can't be it.

[Julie]

They all sound great, but I'd love to hear about your career plans the most.

[millie]

So nice to see some lovely words from you.

I'm interested in all the topics you mention. Especially if that keeps you writing during the lengthy process.

I understand your fears that you may never be enough for your child, but every child is different. My next-door-neighbor was adopted from Vietnam and that's never been an issue for her. I know that's only for her but have to think that lots of children feel like she does.

[Em]

That's an interesting stat about Americans preferring girls babies to boys. I'd have thought that once you actually get through all the paperwork and the checks, people would actually be happy for either sex.

[korin]

Hmmmm. I'd read about any of those topics. I'm happy to hear from you period! :D

[Donna]

All those potential topics are about adoption really, and I would expect you to continue to write about all the varied facets, and I'll continue to read about them. Hopefully you can use this as a forum and a catalyst to work through some of the more esoteric/cultural/emotional issues.

[art-sweet]

I am interested in all of the above. Esp. the boy/girl one.

btw, please check out my blog if you're concerned about infertility treatment and insurance. I've got a post up about a bill that threatens to undercut state laws mandating insurance coverage of infertility. For some reason this has been getting a lot of attention in the diabetes blogworld (my other haunt) but not in the infertilisphere.

[Nancy]

Please write about the 8/10 boy babies- I have been wondering about this and never see the reason anywhere.

Also curious about why you can't read Manuela any more, as I'm a Pinkline reader too.

[Jenn]

I'm interested in all of them, but my top three would be: Manuela's blog, never going through infertility treatments, and books on open adoption painting too rosy of a picture.

P.S. I'm so very glad you aren't dead or locked in a room without internet access.

[AmericanFamily]

Yes, I am interested in all of those topics. I think one post a day for a week or so should just about do it.

[Karen]

Interested in all of the above, especially the possibility of an open international adoption. But mostly just glad to hear from you!

[Ornery]

I'm interested in all of it, but particularly curious about the first topic since I'm a Manuela blog reader.

[akeeyu]

Options one, four, six, and seven please.

Now, hop to it! Start writin', woman!

[Sassy]

It sounds like you've got a lot to write about even if it isn't as full on as the constant 28 day cycles. Really, I'd love to see the thoughts behind all of those points and I think it's sharing your views about those kind of things that gets some really interesting conversations happening.

[Tonya]

I'm interested in all things adoption, and item 1 especially. Sorry things are going so slowly, and I hope the national office sends the HSTK very soon.

[Sarah V.]

They all sound fascinating! If you have to prioritise, I'm requesting 1 and then 4. And then all the rest, please, in whatever order suits you/your other readers. Get writing, woman!

[thalia]

Under 1, I'd like to know about how you managed your career going through treatment: Did you take days off? Did you just hide? Yell at people? I'd also like to know about how you and T handled things together - did you talk a lot? Just hold each other? What did you disagree about? How did you manage the tension?

Oh and everything under 2, particularly on the ethics of adoption.

[MaggyJo]

Love to read what you want to write. I, too and doing adoption (domestic) and while it is much longer than the fertility treatments (that never worked) at least there is a prize at the end of the journey! And what a prize!!! I am also interested in why you can not read Manuela's blog anymore - I have my own thoughts on that!

[Lisa]

They haven't sent the homestudy to Korea yet? That sucks!

More bad news. It takes a few weeks to mail something to Korea, at least that's been our experience mailing stuff to my Korean exchange student's family.

I too would like to hear about all the topics.

[Stephanie]

I'd be interested in hearing about your thoughts on open adoption..frankly I am just too damned selfish to even consider it. As you probably know from my own blog, I have strong feelings about obligations on both sides (adoptive mom vs birth mom). Also, since I recently decided to stop infertility treatments, I could certainly commiserate with you on why I will NEVER do it again.

[Bonnie]

I'd like to hear about all those topics, but particularly your fear that your child will acutely feel the loss of her biological parents. This is a big concern of mine, being pregnant via DE.

I'm pretty sure I know why reading Manuela's blog would be difficult for you as you pursue adoption.

[KIMMER]

All the topics sound great to me also. Just glad your alive and well!

[soon2bmom23]

First time posting here, I too am in the process of adopting from Korea and it looks as if we are at about the same place in the process. I would like to read your commentary on any of the above mentioned topics, but I am particularly interested in either #2 or #4, as those are both things I struggle with on a daily basis.

[Erin O']

Hi,

Delurking to say I'm interested in all of the topics. My husband and I are beginning the adoption process and are looking at the Korea and Ethiopia programs.

Would love to hear from you on all points!

Erin O'