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Aug 09, 2006

Comments

akeeyu

I know what you mean about the universe.

wavybrains

My understanding from chinaadopttalk dot com and other sources was that the Korean changes would only affect new families--not those already logged in. Is your agency saying that even families like you who are already logged in could be affected?

Tara

Your post states exactly what I've been running through my head since I got the not-so-great call from our two agencies last week re: Korea. Luckily it was close to lunch time and I was able to run to my car and cry like I had just been through another miscarriage....sucks, sucks, sucks.

Hang in there.....Tara

Dawn

I feel where you are coming from and therefore know that there are no words capable of consoling you in anyway. I feel for you and hope that every thing will work out in the end. The hopelessness will fade. I'm so very sorry.

DD

I'm sorry, too, that nothing has been easy for you when you struck out on the baby trail. I keep holding out that your child will end up being a Rhodes scholar and awarded the Nobel Peach Prize as a make-up for all the shit you've had to wade through.

Pamplemousse

DD, the Nobel Peach Prize??? Is that the Georgia version hahaha?

I wish I could say something else to make it better, pass quicker, aid your lists. I think the most frustrating thing is when the goalposts are moved. You picked Korea partly because of the speedy referrals and now, to be faced with possible further delays! I am surprised that you have not murdered anyone cos I would have by now. Smooches.

Away2me

The universe has bitch slapped me a few times too. I met a mom yesterday of an adopted child from Korea who is now 20! They adopted him as an infant. She says she doesn't even remember the wait any more. Keep that in your mind. I don't remember how bad our wait really was any more.Once your child is home everything will be "normal". At least the normal that you want.

Stephanie

YEAH!! My husband wants to know why I am not going to the hospital tonight to congratulation yet another friend who just had a baby GIRL precisely 18 months after the birth of her baby BOY. Perfect little family, how fucking nice. Yay for you. What I love most about your blog besides your eloquent use of colorful expletives is your complete honesty. It's okay to say these things and not have to be nice about it.

Erin

It kills me that I was one of those arrogant idiots who was sure that I could space my children--even AFTER primary IF. Hahaha, joke's on me and my plan of "Oh, just under 2 or 2.5 years apart would be perfect!" since P will be at least 3.5, and that's if I get pregnant this cycle. He'll probably be 4 or older. I'm being punished for my arrogance in buying a Baby Bj*rn at a consignment sale over a year ago and figuring that we'd need it soon. I'll take some bitch-slaps also.

I'm glad you're still posting, even if it's only occasionally.

Erin

It kills me that I was one of those arrogant idiots who was sure that I could space my children--even AFTER primary IF. Hahaha, joke's on me and my plan of "Oh, just under 2 or 2.5 years apart would be perfect!" since P will be at least 3.5, and that's if I get pregnant this cycle. He'll probably be 4 or older. I'm being punished for my arrogance in buying a Baby Bj*rn at a consignment sale over a year ago and figuring that we'd need it soon. I'll take some bitch-slaps also.

I'm glad you're still posting, even if it's only occasionally.

art-sweet

This waiting shit sucks.

art-sweet

Rotten eggs, it sucks. And big hairy donkey balls.

Lut C.

Haha! I have my secret weapon, the RSS fead reader. You post, I comment.

Punch! Punch! (Think Animal, the Muppet) When I just see one of those protruding bellies I want to throw a fit. AAAAARGGHHH!

And then I think that's what the Universe is punishing me for. Not cooing over other's people's babies. A vicious circle.

KIMMER

I'm so sorry Susan, it's just a bunch of fucking bullshit. I do hope that things speed up and I understand your frustration... It's just shit fucking luck(it follows tubeless chicks, seriously), Murphy's Law, if it will happen it will normally happen to me too. You're by no means a loser either, I do hope you catch a damn break!

Ann

I am so sorry. It really does suck, how easily it is for other people. I was at a baby shower that I forced myself to go to b/c it was family, standing in a circle of everyone discussing how they had to have their children all done, before they turned 30. They just weren't going to have any after they turned 30. There I was 32, having tried for a very long time. My MIL just looked at me and tried to make these women "understand" without making me cry. I've often wondered why dh and I were chosen for this. Why not an extra toe or something else. No instead we get infertility with our only hope being IVF for a biological child. Why can't IF happen to people who don't really want kids, or to people who shouldn't have kids. No it has to happen to people who are strong, who have a good marriage and the financial means to raise a child properly.

elle

Ach, very shitty and totally hard - so sorry. Hope the pace picks up really soon

Jane

I can so relate. I had to go outside and walk around and cry at a cousin's baby shower. And I remember a woman I did some volunteer work with, who had four or five kids...she would talk about "how I get pregnant when my husband just LOOKS at me." Was ready to kill her.

statia

It totally sucks that they're changing all of the wait times for the waiting adopters. It's not fair. I just hope that it goes smoothly for you. And don't worry, I still get pissy at the arrogant fertiles that think they can just plan to have their child whenever. Oh how I laugh when I think back to the days when I thought I might actually have the ability to do that.

Catherine

Hi there, have been reading your blog for many moons now.....God, I enjoy coming here - there's something so comforting about reading my EXACT pain and thoughts....in someone else's words - does that make sense??

My husband and I started the process with Barker in January. Our paperwork is in and we were expecting a referral this month. We were on the edge of our seats. We laughed everytime we looked at each other. First time parents and a sweet baby was in reach after 3.5 years. We got the terrible call last week, and I too, needed to bawl right at my desk, (with two partners in my office) mind you.

Why oh why did the government have to make sweeping changes for 2007, that affect us poor souls - the prospective adoptive parents of 2006.

Although I'm convinced life sux, I am holding out hope. I keep telling myself the stork is STILL in flight on the way to our house, it's just delayed by bitter cold winds over the Rocky Mountains. Pretty effing lame, huh?

LOVE & WISHES & THOUGHTS sent your way

(((HUGS))) Catherine.

P.S. Hosted a baby shower for my preggo sister in law over the weekend. As I sat there writing down all the gifts she got, someone gave her a teddy bear that makes the effing sounds of the womb - like a mommy's hearbeat with the whoosh whoosh sound. It was HORRIBLE.

Sassy

I am so sorry this is messing you about so much. It's so unfair. *fingers crossed* Catherine's stalk hits town soon.

Amyesq

Dude, this comment is way late but can I just say how much I feel your pain? And the first thing I thought of when I say that news last week is if/how it affected you. It is just so incredibly sucky. I wish I were there in the airport to offer you support/hugs/wine/to watch your luggage while you went in the bathroom and sobbed.

millie

Damn, I need to check in on you more often. I'm so sorry that the universe is playing these games with you. It totally bites. I think it's way past time that we get together, get drunk, and rant and rail at the state of affairs.

I take a bus to work three days a week. It means I can avoid a dui.

Lisa

OK....so you started in Nov 2005.....we are with H@1t in their Vietnam program....started Nov 2003. Yes, three years ago. Why didn't we change countries....(we didn't change agencies because of the ETHICS)...stupid me trying to learn the language. Maybe I should be out in the car listening to CD lessons # 29 & 30 (thats the last two). Then maybe our referral will come. I'll let you know if it works....actually only supposed to take 30 days, and I started after Xmas.
cheers
Lisa

The comments to this entry are closed.

Adoption To-Do's

  • 

    Total Expenses So Far: $21,531

    Select country (Korea) (11/14/05)

    Select agency (11/17/05)

    Tell our families

    Receive preliminary application

    Preliminary App filed (12/5/05):

    • Fill in application
    • Photo of us, photo of house
    • Write medical statement, elaborating on treatment for depression
    • Line up four non-relative references
    • One copy of tax returns from past three years
    • Pay $200 fee
    • Notarized adoption services agreement $10
    • Fedex to Agency $15

    Receive Big App (12/15/05)

    Receive Korea Adoption Guidebook

    Home Study Paperwork: (1/19/06)

    • S: Complete "Personal Data" form with 67 essay questions
    • S: 1 photocopy birth certificate
    • S: Complete Authorization of Release of Information - Employer Verification
    • S: Criminal Record Statement
    • S: LiveScan fingerprint form (for State of California: criminal and child abuse index)
    • S: Schedule LiveScan fingerprinting appointments
    • S: LiveScan fingerprints done, pay $65
    • S: Medical Exam, including HIV and TB tests
    • S: Medical Report filled out by doctor
    • T: Complete 51 essay question "Personal Data" form
    • T: 1 photocopy birth certificate
    • T: Complete Authorization of Release of Information - Employer Verification
    • T: Criminal Record Statement
    • T: LiveScan fingerprint form (for State of California: criminal and child abuse index)
    • T: Schedule LiveScan fingerprinting appointments
    • T: LiveScan fingerprints done, pay $65
    • T: Medical Exam, including HIV and TB tests
    • T: Medical Report filled out by doctor
    • Complete detailed Financial Statement
    • 1 photocopy marriage license
    • Photo of baby's room
    • Map & directions to home
    • Copy all, keep for records
    • FedEx packet to agency, $15 (1/12/06)
    All 4 non-relative references return 3-page, 10-essay questionnaires directly to agency (1/28/06)

    Home Study Part 2: (4/3/2006)

    • Receive & pay invoice for home study $3066 (2/1/06)
    • Schedule social worker visits (2/10/06)
    • Childproof house (smoke detectors, fire extinguishers, outlet covers) $40
    • Social worker visit #1 (joint) (2/21/06)
    • Acceptable Medical Conditions Form (2/27/06)
    • From that details how "open" an adoption we are willing to consider  (2/27/06)
    • Social worker visit #2 (S only) (2/28/06)
    • Social worker visit #3 (T only) (2/28/06)
    • Sign up for module 1 & 2 of parenting class
    • Book travel for parenting class in Southern California
    • Modules 1 & 2 of agency parenting class (in SoCal) $500 (1/21/06)
    • Receive 2 completed, certified, notarized copies of Home Study (4/3/2006)

    Agency sends Home Study to Korea (HSTK) (4/7/2006)

    Sign up for modules 3 & 4 of agency parenting class

    Take modules 3 & 4 of agency parenting class (4/9/06)

    I-600A filed with US-CIS (Advanced Processing of Orphan Petition for Visa) (4/6/2006):

    • I-600A form
    • Copy certified Home Study
    • S: Photocopy of birth certificate
    • T: Photocopy of birth certificate
    • Photocopy of marriage license
    • Copy of most recent federal tax return
    • Proof of medical insurance
    • $545 fee + $140 for FBI fingerprints = $685
    • Cover letter
    • Copy all for records
    • Mail to US-CIS San Francisco

    FBI Fingerprinting:

    • US-CIS acknowledges receipt of I-600A (4/12/06)
    • FBI Fingerprinting appt. scheduled (different than LiveScan fingerprints)
    • FBI Fingerprinting completed, for each (4/28/06)

    Receive I-171H (Approval of I-600A) (5/11/06)

    Pick baby name

    Arrange for medical evaluation of referral

    Receive Referral (12/29/06)

    • Child's presentation letter
    • Child's information
    • Photographs
    • Medical records
    • Confidential background information

    Medical evaluation of Referral by Oakland Children's Hospital (1/10/2007)

    File Referral Acceptance Paperwork: ($140 + $12) (1/6/2007)

    • Child Information Transmittal
    • Pay invoice for $17,500
    • 3 Placement Agreements - all notarized
    • T: 4 Statements of Adoption (for child's Korean passport) - all notarized
    • 3 Travel Option forms
    • 1 Foreign Travel Release - notarized
    • T: 2 Affidavit re INS Vaccination Requirements
    • T: 2 I-864 Affidavit of Support for Immigration
    • S: 2 I-864A Contract between Sponsor and Household Member
    • Copy of entire last year tax return, with ALL attachments
    • Copy of all last year W-2 and 1099 forms
    • T: Photocopy of birth certificate (again)
    • S: Photocopy of birth certificate (again)
    • T: Copy of 2006 paystubs
    • S: Copy of 2006 paystubs
    • Photocopy of marriage license (again)
    • Photocopy everything for records
    • FedEx to agency (1/6/2007)

    Receive child's "legals" from Korea (in English & Korean): (1/22/2007)

    • Affirmation and Oath Certificate (attests these documents are true and correct)
    • Certificate of the Guardian (certifies Korean agency was guardian)
    • Statement of Guardianship (transfers guardianship from Korean agency to American agency)
    • Extract of Family Register (birth certificate equivalent)

    I-600 visa petition form filed w/ US-CIS: (1/25/2007)

    • I-600 form
    • Copy of I-171H
    • Copies of child's legals
    • Originals of child's legals, with note and SASE envelope requesting they be returned
    • Copy of child report
    • Copy of child photos
    • Copy of most recent 1040 tax form
    • Copy of I-864
    • Copy of I-864A
    • Letter with visa cable instructions
    • Fedex to US-CIS San Francisco $25

    Meanwhile, the Korean agency works away:

    • Our application is translated
    • Korean agency applies for Emigration Permit with Korean Ministry of Health and Welfare
    • Ministry approves Emigration Permit (aka "EP")
    • Agency gets I-171 (I-600 approval) cable from US Embassy in Seoul
    • Baby tested for Hepatitis B & HIV
    • Visa physical for baby
    • Submit application for baby's IR-4 Visa

    Resubmit our I-600 visa petition after US-CIS screws up (2/9/2007)

    Buy baby gear (3/17/07)

    Baby CPR & safety class (2/17/07)

    Line up a regular pediatrician (3/5/07)

    Line up a pediatric cardiologist (3/14/07)

    Investigate childcare options (3/17/07)

    Line up Daycare (5/25/07)

    Get on preschool waiting list (1/5/07)

    Setup nursery(3/19/07)

    Get life insurance for both

    Write wills with statements of guardianship wishes (both)

    Set up trust

    S: Get pre-approval family leave with HR (1/24/2007)

    Buy gifts for foster family, Korean agency staff (3/16/07)

    Make travel arrangements to Korea ($185 plus 240,000 frequent flyer miles) (3/13/07)

    Wrap-up job for a 15-week leave (3/12/07-3/16/07)

    Finalize leave plans with HR (3/15/07)

    Travel to Korea (3/19/07 - 3/25/07)

    • Meet both foster mothers (3/21/07, 3/22/07, 3/23/07)
    • In-Korea pre-flight medical exam (3/22/07)
    • Go to US Embassy in Seoul to process Class-B Waiver (acceptance of medical condition) 3/22/07
    • Get the final Visa paperwork (3/22/07)
    • Take custody of child! (3/23/07)
    • Long plane ride back to USA (3/25/07)

    USA Medical Evaluations

    • Add baby to my health insurance (3/28/07)
    • Evaluation by regular pediatrician (3/30/07)
    • US immunizations (3/30/07)
    • Evaluation by pediatric cardiologist (4/18/07)
    Receive Placement Confirmation Notice from Agency (3/28/06)

    Receive baby's Green Card in mail (4/16/07)

    Get social security number under baby's Korean Name as permanent resident (4/27/07)

    Receive post-placement packet in mail from Agency(4/15/07)

    Post-placement visits from social worker: (9/12/07)

    • Visit #1 (4/28/07)
    • Visit #2 (6/30/07)
    • Visit #3 (7/26/07)
    • Visit #4 (9/12/07)

    Create and file child "progress reports" with 8-18 photos each, for Korean agency and government, and a letter with photos for foster family (9/12/07)

    • 1-month progress report (4/28/07)
    • 3-month progress report (6/30/07)
    • 4-month progress report (7/26/07)
    • 6-month progress report (9/12/07)

    File US Physician's Examination Report with Agency (4/17/07)

    File Adoption Finalization Paperwork in our county in California (5/1/07) ($20)

    • Form ADOPT-200 (Adoption Request) (5/1/07)
    • Form ADOPT-210 (Adoption Agreement) (5/1/07)
    • Form ADOPT-215 (Adoption Order) (5/1/07)
    • Form ADOPT-230 (Adoption Expenses) (5/1/07)

    RE-File Finalization Paperwork the State changed in July '07 (ARGH!) (11/13/07)

    • Form ADOPT-210 (Adoption Agreement) (11/13/07)
    • Form ADOPT-215 (Adoption Order) (11/3/07)

    Finalize Adoption in County Court

    • Receive "Consent to Adoption" from agency (11/2/07)
    • Schedule court hearing (coming in December '07!)
    • Adoption finalization court hearing (Munchkin is now a US citizen, and his American name is now his legal name!)
    • Have a HUGE Party to celebrate!
    • Send agency/Korea copy of child's adoption decree (child is no longer considered a Korean citizen)
    • Send adoption announcements

    Secure proof of US citizenship for child:

    • Complete & file N-600 with US-CIS, pay fee
    • Receive Certificate of Citizenship
    • File passport application
    • Receive passport
    • Apply to SSA to get status changed from resident alien to citizen, SS# name changed (passport is proof)

    Start the process all over again for kid #2!