Finally Arrived

Another Question for Ye

How does this social security number thing work with kids adopted from Korea, whose adoptions won't be finalized (and therefore they won't be US citizens) until 6 months after placement?

Before we leave for Korea, we're trying to get life insurance in place to provide for Sweetpea if one/both of us kicks it.  But apparently you can't name a beneficiary that does not have a social security number. 

Same thing applies to designating a beneficiary for our IRAs and 401Ks.  Need a social security number.  Kid won't have one.  Hmmph.

Batch 5 is Done

Another adoption hurdle passed this week....

We filed our I-600 form  (petition to classify an orphan as a member of our immediate family) with US-CIS this week.    That form, of course, required another mountain of documents to go with it.

So, we've now completed Batch 5 of  the adoption paperwork .  Yes, batch FIVE.  In case you've lost track of all the paperwork:

• Batch 1:   Initial application for adoption agency
• Batch 2:   Formal application and homestudy
• Batch 3:   US-CIS  I-600A form
• Batch 4:   Referral acceptance paperwork
• Batch 5:   US-CIS I-600 form
  

Best of all, I think there is no Batch 6 prior to traveling to Korea. I suspect, however, that once in Korea there will be a Batch 6.  And that Batches 7, 8, 9, and so on will happen once we get back home.  Fortunately, I am very good at paperwork. I'm one of those weirdos who actually does not mind doing her own taxes.

Everyone, start chanting for us.... Send good vibes to the US-CIS office in San Francisco.  Send mental images of our envelope floating to the top of pile, and the adoption officer immediately tackling it, finding everything in order, and dispatching a speedy approval.  Dare I hope for within 2-3 weeks?

If You've Adopted from Korea, I have a question for you...

I have a question for all of you US residents who have adopted from Korea...

Do you know what my employer's health insurance company will require in order to add Sweetpea to our coverage (Blue Cross Blue Shield)?

My HR department says the insurance company will need a copy of our "adoption papers."  Despite my requests, they have not yet clarified which portion of the large mountain our adoption-related papers and forms they are talking about. Surely, they don't want all of it.

I'm asking people who adopted from Korea specifically because unlike most adoptions, Korean adoptions are not finalized until 6 months after you take the child home.  Until that time, our agency is technically the guardian of the child.  I suspect this "guardian but not a guardian" status complicates things a bit.

My HR department also tells me that our baby is covered under my employer's insurance once I "have the right to control his healthcare."  But I don't think I truly WILL be able to control all his healthcare until the adoption is finalized.

If someone can explain to me how this works, I'd be very grateful.

Thanks.

Baby Gear Gluttony

Holy Crap!  The Sweetpea's "legals" (meaning the baby's legal papers that are the Korean equivalent of a birth certificate) have arrived stateside.  I will have them in my hands come Monday, and then we will be able to apply for an I-600 with US-CIS.

In other words, we're getting close...

which has resulted in a full-on baby gear gonzo-crazy-nuts fit.  In the past 24 hours I have purchased:

1) A fancy-pants crib (thank you, craigslist - only $150!)

2) A new foam crib mattress

2) Two fancy-pants convertible car seats

3) A hopefully-easy-to-clean high chair

4) A fantastic baby carrier

5) An umbrella stroller

6) A basic pack n' play

I will add these to the  3 baby outfits, 2 books, bib, and Nerdy Baby ABC flashcards that I bought 6 months ago.

Craziness, perhaps.  Too much retail excess in one short sitting. But you see, I am not a shopper. I don't like shopping. But when I decide it is time to shop - holy s&*#, watch out. I could not stop myself. I had been plotting these purchases for months, but had held off once it became obvious that my earlier all-too-audacious purchases of baby gear had negatively affected geopolitical events.

Maybe we're good. I think we have everything now. 

Oh yeah, except bedding - we don't have anything at all. Nor anything one would use to change a diaper, such as diapers, changing pads, wipes, and a diaper pail.  Oh yeah, we probably need a dresser or armoire or something to hold baby's clothes.  And miscellaneous doodads to decorate the nursery.  And maybe a chair for the nursery, like a rocking chair or a big stuffed chair or something.  Oh, and bottles. And stuff to clean bottles. And formula*. Plus bibs. And clothes, especially sleepers (all we have are those 3 outfits).  And tiny little hats, and sunglasses (we live in California!), and socks.  Oh, and a stylish diaper bag for me. And a manly diaper-hauling alternative for the hubby.  And maybe some super soft towels, plus baby shampoo and soap, for bathtime. And a jogging stroller for my triathlete husband.  Oh, and a cupholder for my fabulous new umbrella stroller.

Crap, maybe I'm not done with the shopping after all.

I have a friend that was practically shoving the vibrating chair down my throat today, but I'm wondering if he might be too old for that when he gets home. Or maybe not.  She's insisting on the activity mat thing too.  Hmm. I don't know.

* Yes, I've decided to not attempt the adoptive breastfeeding thing.  For one, I will have to go back to work after 3 months, so it doesn't seem practical. Two, as a (former?) infertile, I really don't want to go through the disappointment of pumping my body up with drugs in yet another a likely-to-fail attempt to do what comes naturally to so many others.

How to Stop the Questions?

T and I have been slowly telling our people about the adoption.  For me, the most challenging part is telling my co-workers.  It must be done because I will be going on leave imminently.  But how I wish I could just tell people, have them say "I'm so happy for you! What wonderful news!" and not have to educate them from A to Z on the adoption process.

Don't get me wrong. It's not that anyone has been anything but nice about it.  I've not  received any of the idiotic comments that I know other adoptive parents received. In fact, I've only had two people tell me that now that I'm adopting, I definitely going to get pregnant.  To which I say, well that would be interesting since I know longer have the necessary organs.

Most people are nice, but are very, very curious. Lots of questions.

At first, I didn't mind the questions. In fact, at first I was more than eager to talk about it.  But not so anymore. I feel like I keep having the same conversations with people over and over.   And I'm starting to wonder if it is going to get even worse once Sweetpea comes home. Or if it will be like this for the rest of my life.

The questions are not so bad, really. But it's just that follow each other one after the other.

How did you pick Korea?  Why not China? Why not America?

How did you get matched with a boy? I thought they only had girls in Korea.

Is the baby in an orphanage?  Have  you seen pictures of the orphanage? (no, he's in foster care).

Will you get to meet his parents?

Isn't it cheaper to adopt within America?

How long does the process take?  When did you apply? How much more do you have to go?

How do you know the baby is really an orphan? (This one is a new one -- thanks for that, Madonna).

Do you think you'll adopt a second child? Also from Korea?

Please understand that these folks are trying to be nice!  So, with that in mind, I would appreciate some advice in ways to NOT answer these questions, yet not be rude.

Sweetpea Q&A

Thanks so much for all your kind wishes. We are overjoyed.

Now, answers to a bunch of your questions:

Q: How do you "accept" the referral?
Well, after we got the referral we had a mountain of acceptance paperwork to fill out. I wrestled with the ambiguous and out-of-date instructions for two evenings straight.  This included:

• A  "Placement Agreements" between us and our agency
• An "Intent to Adopt" statement for the Korean government
• Paperwork stating that we intend to travel to Korea to pick up our Sweetpea as opposed to having him escorted to the United States
• More paperwork saying that we understand that foreign travel is unpredictable and can be dangerous and we agree to absolve our agencies of all responsibility.
• An I-864 form saying my husband will provide financial support for an immigrant dependant.
• An I-864A form saying that I will contribute income toward my husband's financial support for an immigrant dependent.
• Copies of our taxes (again), our birth certificates (again), and our marriage certificate (again).

Then, we had to get most of this paperwork notarized.  What a pain! Especially at $10 per signature.

Oh yeah, we also had to mail in a check for $15,500.  *gulp*

Q:  What happens next?
Well, we sent all the above paperwork to our agency in the US. They check it over and send some of the important papers over to the Korean Agency.  The Korean Agency then sends over the Sweetpea's "legal papers", also known as "legals", to our US agency.  In Korea, I don't think they have birth certificates yet, so these legal papers are the equivalent of birth certificates.

Once our US agency receives the Sweetpea's legals, they forward them on to us, and we then use them to submit our I-600 form to US-CIS.  Simultaneously, the Korean Agency starts the process of securing the Sweetpea's "Emigration Permit" from the Korean government.

Once the I-600 has been approved by the US government and the Emigration Permit has been approved by the Korean government, then I think our Sweetpea is free to travel.  We'll get a call from our agency when this happens, and we'll be expected to get on a plane for Seoul within 2 weeks.  We'll then meet with his foster family and the Korean agency, and then take him home with us.

At this point, however, he is not yet officially "our son", as his adoption won't be finalized until he has been with us for 6 months.  For those first 6 months, our US adoption agency is actually his legal guardian.  In the meantime, we have several post-placement visits with our social worker and reports that we must provide to the Korean government. If all goes well, we'll be approved and free to finalize his adoption in a US court.

Q: When do we think we'll travel?
The official quoted time frames are 3-5 months from referral.  However, we live in California which has the most notoriously slow US-CIS offices in the nation. So, we expect to be more in the 4-5 month range.  That puts us in April or May to travel.

Q: What more do we know about the baby?
We know that Sweetpea was 8 lbs at birth. We know a few of the details as to why his birth mother decided to place him, but I will not be revealing those here or to anyone else. Not even to his grandparents.

Also, from the limited information in his medical records, we know that he has a mild congenital heart defect (a murmur caused by a pair of atrial septal defects (ASDs)) that has a 50% chance of resolving itself within a year.  We also see that he was hospitalized early on for a rotavirus and "heart arrhythmia."  We are not clear on what they meant by "arrhythmia," though, as no details are provided on his heart beyond the description of his ASDs -- it usually refers to some kind of abnormal heart rhythm that would be unrelated to ASDs -- perhaps an incidence of his heart beating 2x his normal rate.

We are in the process of getting his medical records evaluated by our pediatrician friend (also my husband's ex-girlfriend, yuk) and by Dr. Nancy Curtis at the International Adoption Clinic at the Children's Hospital at Oakland.   I didn't think we'd need to do this, because the medical records from Korea have a reputation for being so thorough and complete. But I gotta tell you, I am so glad we decided to do this. I feel so much more informed about the potential medical issues Sweetpea might be faced with, and I feel that much more empowered to really fight to get more complete medical records for him from the Korean agency and hospital where he stayed.  Best $300 I ever spent.

Q: But didn't you ask for a healthy child?
Yes, my husband and I asked for a basically healthy child but did state that we were open to a child with a "heart murmur - unknown prognosis."  And that is exactly what Sweetpea has.  We are committed to adopting him no matter what. If he was our biological child we wouldn't be able to pick and choose, and we don't feel it would be right to do this with an adopted child either. 

And besides, all indications are that Sweetpea is essentially healthy - millions of people live life normally with Atrial Septal Defects and with some kind of arrhythmia.  It's not that bad.  And besides, he's FREAKIN' ADORABLE!!!

Q: Anything that surprises you about this whole process?
I have to say, I am so surprised at how I have fallen completely in love with Sweatpea's picture. I really didn't expect that. I just cannot wait to meet him and kiss his little forehead and wiggle his tiny fingers and toes. 

But then I wonder if I am some kind of superficial wench for doing so, because, as you know if you saw his photo, the kid is really cute and photogenic. Would I feel this way if he was a not-so-beautiful baby?  If he were less-than-blessed in the looks department?  I don't know...

Can't wait, but am totally panicked about all the stuff we need to get done between now and then.

What a Cutie (for a limited time only)

Sorry, picture has been taken down to protect privacy and cultivate my deep-seated paranoia.

But trust me, he's adorable.  And I don't think it's just because I'm gonna be his Mommy....

Best Christmas Present Ever

Holy S#$%!

We received our referral!

It's a....

It's a...

It's a BOY! 

And a big boy too, especially by Korean standards - almost 8 lbs at birth!  He is now 9 weeks old!

WOW!!!!!!!!  So effing happy!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my god. I need to go throw up now.