Adoption Resources

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Oct 13, 2005


kate #2

I don't blame you for being in to the statistics...It is your money and your emotions that you are spending in this journey. I think we all have to be proactive in finding out the IF issues we are all facing.

I have read so much about DES women and their problems and am astonished by how many people it affected. Such BS that it could be handed out so freely to pregnant women for so long. Such bullshit....

PS Ok. that just freaked me out that you had me in the knocked up section already!

Susan / holdingpattern

Sorry, kate #2, if I freaked you out by reclassifying your blog. To be honest, I did it because my blogroll is automaticlly populated via Bloglines. And I quickly move people from the Fabulous Infertile to the Knocked Up category because I find I need an extra ounce of strength to read pregnancy blogs. I do read them, I just have to be in the proper state of mind first. Sorry. I hope I did not jinx you.


Wow, $150K, that's a lot of money.

I completely understand about statistics, and that's why I'm seriously mulling over not doing and IVF and just moving straight away to donor egg. The stats are just not in my favor (40, can't get pregnant at all, not even a chemical). I've run through all the numbers with my husband who is a stats guru (you two went to the same school, he's class of '88) and it just doesn't really add up for us to spend the $20k when we'll just end up donor anyway.

I'm sorry about the DES. It's very unfortunate how someone else's carelessness (your mom's ob) can affect your life so greatly. Makes me really mad.

Keeping you in my thoughts and thinking of you as you make this decision.


I had never really thought about donor embryos until I read some of the comments on the last post. If you're not tied to the idea of at least one of you having a genetic relationship to your child, then it seems like trying that at least once might be the best option - less time than either domestic or international adoption, sounds like less money as well. And now that an ectopic is much less likely - worth a shot?

I'm totally into stats. (probably the whole school thing). So bring it on!


Well, I still am leaning towards donor embryo. The entire IVF process is dwindled down to fantastic frozen embryos.........no IVF drama involved.

You will then know the true status of your uterus.

Donor embryo is amazing and extremely cost effective. The cost of a FET is about $3,000.00 including the meds! HUGE difference in cost......if that is a factor.

Enough of my rant on your blog!


Julianna stole my idea write out of my fast-typing fingertips -- it would seem to me that a really smart way to test the waters is to go for donor embryo. The cost is peanuts to those of us who are used to handing out 10K checks like they are pennies. I would also be very wary of dropping 25-30K on a DE/IVF cycle (not sure where you got the 40K from but it ain't that bad yet!) under the circumstances. In fact, under the circumstances, I for sure would NOT do another cycle with my own eggs.

On the other hand, I wouldn't assume that your uterus can't do it for you, not just yet. I have the rarest uterine anomaly, a unicornuate, or UU for short. Read all about it on my blog under Let Me Tell You category--scroll to the bottom since it's an early post. I was a kid at the time and had gotten pregnant accidentally--we had no clue that I had a UU nor did any doctor figure it out until almost 20 yrs later when I insisted on an HSG during an IF workup. Moral of the story is this: I had no pregnancy complications whatsoever and delivered fullterm. Yet the stats show a less than 30%, that's THIRTY PERCENT, live birth rate for UU's, and many of those are premature. I'm sure glad I didn't read those stats before I got pregnant. It could be that I simply got really lucky, or, it could be that the stats are not entirely truthful. You don't know what your uterus can do unless you put it to the test. Your RE would not be suggesting a trial with DE if she really thought you had no hope of successfully carrying a baby (unless she was not thinking clearly during your consult, and it would be easy enough to verify that by asking her again).

I see now why it is so much more complicated. DO/IVF is cheap, and you get a good embryos out of it, and if you find that your uterus can do the job, then you can move on to DE with your husband's sperm for a sibling or two.


I've got a local friend who's a proud mama of gorgeous twins through donor embryos. I'm sure she'd be happy to talk with you if you're interested.

I wish I was a patient at your clinic because the wait for ED is so very short.

If you're thinking donor egg, I think you guys should come on safari with us in January. The whole thing is really affordable (about 1/3 of what it would be here). Just sayin'.


Wessel sounds like she's on to something. Could you try an FET with donor embryos? Or would you feel that both of you lacked a genetic connection?


I've got no assvice to offer up, Susan, but I just wanted to tell you how impressed I am with your spirit, drive and determination through this whole process. Not to mention your thoroughness. I wish you quick resolution and some semblance of peace as you work through these difficult questions.


Blimey. What a lot of issues to weigh up. ANd I am completely and utterly stunned by the costs. DE just really isn't an option in the UK due to the lack of donors so it isn't something I have seen the costs of here. But boy is that a lot of money. I quite understand why you'd be looking for alternatives.

I can't tell you which way to go, but I'm here, listening and hoping and wishing you a lot of the right support as you go through this process.


I really feel for you. That's a lot of information to weigh.

Take care.


Susan, I am aghast at the amount of money for GS/DE cycle in California. Man oh man!

Is Millie talking about Tertia's info on SA donor eggs?

Thalia, Bridge in London charges about £6000 - £7,000 for an anonymous DE cycle here in the UK but I am unclear if that includes meds. They have a lot of info on their website.

Sorry to hijack the comments, S! I am hoping that you can come to a decision that is financially/psychologically right for you and your husband. Thinking of you.


I hope you find an answer soon. I'm not sure if you're even still reading comments to this post, but don't be totally disheartened by the costs of DE + GS. Check out the surrogacy websites (allabout surrogacy, surromomsonline, etc) for more info about women who are willing to be GSes without going through an agency--many women prefer going indy and that would save you a chunk of change.... Just a thought. I don't want you to give up!


PS: The GS's insurance usually DOES cover prenatal care, labor & delivery.


PPS: Sorry to keep adding on, but most indy GS's fees are more in the $15k - $23k range as well....

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I was browsing on yahoo for blogs regarding fitness and biking when this post showed up in the final results. While not actually what I was looking for it was really worth the read and for that I would give it four stars.


My friend told me about a new service, testegg.com did you hear about it ?


Do you know it's possible to make surgery for your uterus for this problem to form ! In Paris, Bruxelles St luc, in states or london. I know a DES girl who was exposed had this surgery it's easy and not so long few minutes you don't stay at the hospital for that not more 1 day...After this surgery for correct the form of the uterus, she had 2 babies about 1 year to test !

The comments to this entry are closed.

Adoption To-Do's


    Total Expenses So Far: $21,531

    Select country (Korea) (11/14/05)

    Select agency (11/17/05)

    Tell our families

    Receive preliminary application

    Preliminary App filed (12/5/05):

    • Fill in application
    • Photo of us, photo of house
    • Write medical statement, elaborating on treatment for depression
    • Line up four non-relative references
    • One copy of tax returns from past three years
    • Pay $200 fee
    • Notarized adoption services agreement $10
    • Fedex to Agency $15

    Receive Big App (12/15/05)

    Receive Korea Adoption Guidebook

    Home Study Paperwork: (1/19/06)

    • S: Complete "Personal Data" form with 67 essay questions
    • S: 1 photocopy birth certificate
    • S: Complete Authorization of Release of Information - Employer Verification
    • S: Criminal Record Statement
    • S: LiveScan fingerprint form (for State of California: criminal and child abuse index)
    • S: Schedule LiveScan fingerprinting appointments
    • S: LiveScan fingerprints done, pay $65
    • S: Medical Exam, including HIV and TB tests
    • S: Medical Report filled out by doctor
    • T: Complete 51 essay question "Personal Data" form
    • T: 1 photocopy birth certificate
    • T: Complete Authorization of Release of Information - Employer Verification
    • T: Criminal Record Statement
    • T: LiveScan fingerprint form (for State of California: criminal and child abuse index)
    • T: Schedule LiveScan fingerprinting appointments
    • T: LiveScan fingerprints done, pay $65
    • T: Medical Exam, including HIV and TB tests
    • T: Medical Report filled out by doctor
    • Complete detailed Financial Statement
    • 1 photocopy marriage license
    • Photo of baby's room
    • Map & directions to home
    • Copy all, keep for records
    • FedEx packet to agency, $15 (1/12/06)
    All 4 non-relative references return 3-page, 10-essay questionnaires directly to agency (1/28/06)

    Home Study Part 2: (4/3/2006)

    • Receive & pay invoice for home study $3066 (2/1/06)
    • Schedule social worker visits (2/10/06)
    • Childproof house (smoke detectors, fire extinguishers, outlet covers) $40
    • Social worker visit #1 (joint) (2/21/06)
    • Acceptable Medical Conditions Form (2/27/06)
    • From that details how "open" an adoption we are willing to consider  (2/27/06)
    • Social worker visit #2 (S only) (2/28/06)
    • Social worker visit #3 (T only) (2/28/06)
    • Sign up for module 1 & 2 of parenting class
    • Book travel for parenting class in Southern California
    • Modules 1 & 2 of agency parenting class (in SoCal) $500 (1/21/06)
    • Receive 2 completed, certified, notarized copies of Home Study (4/3/2006)

    Agency sends Home Study to Korea (HSTK) (4/7/2006)

    Sign up for modules 3 & 4 of agency parenting class

    Take modules 3 & 4 of agency parenting class (4/9/06)

    I-600A filed with US-CIS (Advanced Processing of Orphan Petition for Visa) (4/6/2006):

    • I-600A form
    • Copy certified Home Study
    • S: Photocopy of birth certificate
    • T: Photocopy of birth certificate
    • Photocopy of marriage license
    • Copy of most recent federal tax return
    • Proof of medical insurance
    • $545 fee + $140 for FBI fingerprints = $685
    • Cover letter
    • Copy all for records
    • Mail to US-CIS San Francisco

    FBI Fingerprinting:

    • US-CIS acknowledges receipt of I-600A (4/12/06)
    • FBI Fingerprinting appt. scheduled (different than LiveScan fingerprints)
    • FBI Fingerprinting completed, for each (4/28/06)

    Receive I-171H (Approval of I-600A) (5/11/06)

    Pick baby name

    Arrange for medical evaluation of referral

    Receive Referral (12/29/06)

    • Child's presentation letter
    • Child's information
    • Photographs
    • Medical records
    • Confidential background information

    Medical evaluation of Referral by Oakland Children's Hospital (1/10/2007)

    File Referral Acceptance Paperwork: ($140 + $12) (1/6/2007)

    • Child Information Transmittal
    • Pay invoice for $17,500
    • 3 Placement Agreements - all notarized
    • T: 4 Statements of Adoption (for child's Korean passport) - all notarized
    • 3 Travel Option forms
    • 1 Foreign Travel Release - notarized
    • T: 2 Affidavit re INS Vaccination Requirements
    • T: 2 I-864 Affidavit of Support for Immigration
    • S: 2 I-864A Contract between Sponsor and Household Member
    • Copy of entire last year tax return, with ALL attachments
    • Copy of all last year W-2 and 1099 forms
    • T: Photocopy of birth certificate (again)
    • S: Photocopy of birth certificate (again)
    • T: Copy of 2006 paystubs
    • S: Copy of 2006 paystubs
    • Photocopy of marriage license (again)
    • Photocopy everything for records
    • FedEx to agency (1/6/2007)

    Receive child's "legals" from Korea (in English & Korean): (1/22/2007)

    • Affirmation and Oath Certificate (attests these documents are true and correct)
    • Certificate of the Guardian (certifies Korean agency was guardian)
    • Statement of Guardianship (transfers guardianship from Korean agency to American agency)
    • Extract of Family Register (birth certificate equivalent)

    I-600 visa petition form filed w/ US-CIS: (1/25/2007)

    • I-600 form
    • Copy of I-171H
    • Copies of child's legals
    • Originals of child's legals, with note and SASE envelope requesting they be returned
    • Copy of child report
    • Copy of child photos
    • Copy of most recent 1040 tax form
    • Copy of I-864
    • Copy of I-864A
    • Letter with visa cable instructions
    • Fedex to US-CIS San Francisco $25

    Meanwhile, the Korean agency works away:

    • Our application is translated
    • Korean agency applies for Emigration Permit with Korean Ministry of Health and Welfare
    • Ministry approves Emigration Permit (aka "EP")
    • Agency gets I-171 (I-600 approval) cable from US Embassy in Seoul
    • Baby tested for Hepatitis B & HIV
    • Visa physical for baby
    • Submit application for baby's IR-4 Visa

    Resubmit our I-600 visa petition after US-CIS screws up (2/9/2007)

    Buy baby gear (3/17/07)

    Baby CPR & safety class (2/17/07)

    Line up a regular pediatrician (3/5/07)

    Line up a pediatric cardiologist (3/14/07)

    Investigate childcare options (3/17/07)

    Line up Daycare (5/25/07)

    Get on preschool waiting list (1/5/07)

    Setup nursery(3/19/07)

    Get life insurance for both

    Write wills with statements of guardianship wishes (both)

    Set up trust

    S: Get pre-approval family leave with HR (1/24/2007)

    Buy gifts for foster family, Korean agency staff (3/16/07)

    Make travel arrangements to Korea ($185 plus 240,000 frequent flyer miles) (3/13/07)

    Wrap-up job for a 15-week leave (3/12/07-3/16/07)

    Finalize leave plans with HR (3/15/07)

    Travel to Korea (3/19/07 - 3/25/07)

    • Meet both foster mothers (3/21/07, 3/22/07, 3/23/07)
    • In-Korea pre-flight medical exam (3/22/07)
    • Go to US Embassy in Seoul to process Class-B Waiver (acceptance of medical condition) 3/22/07
    • Get the final Visa paperwork (3/22/07)
    • Take custody of child! (3/23/07)
    • Long plane ride back to USA (3/25/07)

    USA Medical Evaluations

    • Add baby to my health insurance (3/28/07)
    • Evaluation by regular pediatrician (3/30/07)
    • US immunizations (3/30/07)
    • Evaluation by pediatric cardiologist (4/18/07)
    Receive Placement Confirmation Notice from Agency (3/28/06)

    Receive baby's Green Card in mail (4/16/07)

    Get social security number under baby's Korean Name as permanent resident (4/27/07)

    Receive post-placement packet in mail from Agency(4/15/07)

    Post-placement visits from social worker: (9/12/07)

    • Visit #1 (4/28/07)
    • Visit #2 (6/30/07)
    • Visit #3 (7/26/07)
    • Visit #4 (9/12/07)

    Create and file child "progress reports" with 8-18 photos each, for Korean agency and government, and a letter with photos for foster family (9/12/07)

    • 1-month progress report (4/28/07)
    • 3-month progress report (6/30/07)
    • 4-month progress report (7/26/07)
    • 6-month progress report (9/12/07)

    File US Physician's Examination Report with Agency (4/17/07)

    File Adoption Finalization Paperwork in our county in California (5/1/07) ($20)

    • Form ADOPT-200 (Adoption Request) (5/1/07)
    • Form ADOPT-210 (Adoption Agreement) (5/1/07)
    • Form ADOPT-215 (Adoption Order) (5/1/07)
    • Form ADOPT-230 (Adoption Expenses) (5/1/07)

    RE-File Finalization Paperwork the State changed in July '07 (ARGH!) (11/13/07)

    • Form ADOPT-210 (Adoption Agreement) (11/13/07)
    • Form ADOPT-215 (Adoption Order) (11/3/07)

    Finalize Adoption in County Court

    • Receive "Consent to Adoption" from agency (11/2/07)
    • Schedule court hearing (coming in December '07!)
    • Adoption finalization court hearing (Munchkin is now a US citizen, and his American name is now his legal name!)
    • Have a HUGE Party to celebrate!
    • Send agency/Korea copy of child's adoption decree (child is no longer considered a Korean citizen)
    • Send adoption announcements

    Secure proof of US citizenship for child:

    • Complete & file N-600 with US-CIS, pay fee
    • Receive Certificate of Citizenship
    • File passport application
    • Receive passport
    • Apply to SSA to get status changed from resident alien to citizen, SS# name changed (passport is proof)

    Start the process all over again for kid #2!